Hail the King
by schoolgirl-cheesesculpture
Summary: Wits will be tested in this dynamic tornament of.... Read to find out! Probably will have some OOC because it's a parody. Written by schoolgirl-cheesesculpture and whitetyger123
1. Raito vs Aizawa

1st Match

Raito vs. Aizawa

Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note, obviously because if we did, Mello, Matt and L would still be alive and Raito would have died in the first book... And we wouldn't be making up such random nonsense like this... We would have just put it in the book... So we could get money for it... Ya... That's it...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you are reading this, you are one of the few lucky people that get to witness second hand the most challenging match of wits this planet has ever seen. It is a game of strategy, skill and luck, also known as...

"Checkers? Why would I play a game of checkers? I mean... seriously, you're talking about checkers here!" Raito yelled, looking at the laptop with an old English W on it, which was sitting on a table beside a checkers board that had already been set up. "I can't believe that you would lie to me, Watari. You said that if I came in here, I would have everlasting powers!"

Aizawa glanced at his opponent. "You know, L once gave an example that was a lot like this. He said that if Kira had a choice to play checkers, he would refuse, because he would think himself superior to checkers. Hmm... Maybe your percentage has gone up..."

Watari's voice blared through the speakers of the laptop, "Ready, Set, Go!" 

Aizawa looked strangely at the screen, "Uh... That's a race... Not checkers..."

"Ok then," Watari replied, "Let's get ready to rumble!"

"That's for a fight... And I really don't want to fight... It might mess up my perfect hair." Raito complained, sub-consciously running his fingers through his 'just what the doctor ordered' hair **(1). **

"Fine then! Just play the damn game! Sit down in the chair closest to you."

Aizawa whispered to Raito, "I think something's wrong with him..."

Raito glared back, "You think?" He sat at the table, behind the black pieces. "Hehe, black. Like death. Hehe."

Aizawa raised an eyebrow, "And _that's_ not suspicious at all..."

"Okay," The laptop said, "So, red goes first."

"What? But black should go first, because it's black! And black rules all, because it's the color of the Death Note! I mean..." Raito trailed off pathetically.

"Just to let you know," Watari spoke through the laptop, "L just said that the percentage has gone up... again."

And the match began. Aizawa started off with a dastardly cunning move, and Raito countered. That's checkers for you... The match went on for an hour, with both making daring plays. But, at the end of the hour, Raito knew he needed to take drastic measures if he really wanted to win. And, as we all know, now that he was actually playing, he couldn't let himself loose.

His genius mind had a plan within seconds. 

"Hey, Aizawa," He said, running his fingers through his hair and leaning forward a little. In the background, his few fan girls were screeching. "I was wondering... Are you doing anything tonight?"

The astonished look Aizawa gave him was perfect. He hardly noticed as Raito moved one of his pieces into place. "What are you doing, Raito?"

"Well, I was just thinking, a man like you shouldn't be alone on a night like this." Raito flashed him another one of his dazzling smirks.

Aizawa made his move without even looking at the board. "Raito, I'm not gay."

The teen smiled his most flirtatious smile. "Neither am I, but things can change, you know." Jumping over three of Aizawa's men in one turn, Raito made it to the other end of the board. "King me." He said in the most seductive voice he could come up with.

The blush on Aizawa's face was unmistakable now. "Raito, I have a wife and children. I also have no intention of becoming gay." He made the move that Raito had been waiting for. He jumped two of the red tiles. Now Aizawa only had one.

"Well then," Raito started, "that's too bad because now you won't have my comforting shoulder to cry on when you realize that you lost."

"I already told you, I have a wife and ki.." Aizawa stopped talking as soon as he noticed what Raito was talking about. Ever since Raito started 'flirting' with him, he hadn't looked at the board. Now that he looked, he could see what Raito's plan actually was.

"What? So does that mean..." Aizawa said carefully, "you're not actually gay?" 

Raito just laughed, "Why would I be with these good looks?" And as to prove his point, he flipped his hair dramatically to the side and winked, making one of his fan girls faint.

"Right... Well then..." Aizawa stood up and put his right hand out over the board, "Good game."

"I don't need a handshake from you... I'm god!" Raito slapped his hand away, "I mean..."

Raito ran out of the room quickly, leaving Aizawa standing there. Watari's voice sounded over the laptop again, "Winner of the first match of the first round... Raito Yagami! And Aizawa," Watari added, "Next time you see Raito, tell him that L's suspicion is even higher now because of the 'god' comment."

"Uh...Sure..." Aizawa said distractedly as he watched Raito walk out of the room through the door he came in from. _"What am I thinking! I'm not gay! I think I need to go home... I need a hug... And maybe some alcohol..." _Aizawa sighed and walked out of the room, leaving it empty for the next dynamic match.

(1. Apparently it's a synonym for perfect...)


	2. Mikami vs Sayu

2nd Match

Mikami vs. Sayu

In the beginning... There was a chess board. And after that, there was a checkers board. They may be the same thing, but we don't know that yet.

On either side of the blank room, two people entered. They both sat on the opposite sides of the board, the man being red and the girl being black.

"Welcome Mikami and Sayu to the second match of the first round!" Watari's voice came from the same laptop as before.

"Second match of what?" Sayu asked stupidly, oblivious to the checkers board in front of her.

"Uh.." Mikami started, "Checkers? What kind of game is checkers?" In his head he added, _"a stupid one, that's what!"_

"Ok, so Mikami, you're red and Sayu you're black. Black goes first, and whoever wins gets to move onto the next round!" Watari announced.

"Who really cares? It's just checkers..." Sayu stated, waiting for Mikami to make the first move. 

They both played strategically, taking their time to plan every move perfectly. 

Mikami jumped another one of Sayu's pieces, saying "Delete," under his breath.

"What was that?" Sayu looked at him weirdly.

"Nothing... Hey look! A distraction!" Mikami pointed over Sayu and she turned around to look. While she wasn't looking at the board, Mikami messed up the pieces so he'd win.

When she turned around again and looked at the board to make a move, she noticed that no matter what she would do, she was going to lose.

"Hey... No fair! You lied! There was no distraction!" Sayu complained.

"Yes there was, you just missed it." Mikami stuck his tongue out at her. 

"That's not nice! I could have won!"

"You're just jealous because your brother likes me MORE then you!" Mikami laughed.

"How does he know you?" Sayu asked, moving her remaining piece, trying to stay in the game for just a bit longer.

"Because he's god! I mean... Uh... Look! Another distraction!" As she turned around to look again, Mikami jumped her last piece, muttered "Delete" again and ran out the door.

"Uh... Sure..." Sayu got up and walked out the door behind her.

----30 Minutes later----

"Ok you guys... You should almost be finished by now. It took Aizawa and Raito an hour to finish their match." Watari voice came from the laptop. "Hello? Sayu and Mikami?" He waited for a minute and sighed, "I guess that means Mikami won," just as the next two lucky competitors walked in. 


	3. Mello vs Near

3rd Match

3rd Match

Mello vs. Near

Almost immediately as soon as Mikami and Sayu were out of the room, Mello and Near entered. Near was on the red side and Mello was on the black side. Obviously, just because he's Mello, he just had to rant about something.

"Mwhahaha! I am BLACK! The best colour in the universe of colours! If I could own a colour, it would be black!"

Near just sat down silently, "You do know that red goes first... Right?"

Mello's eyes grew wide, right before he jumped over the table and tackled Near from his chair. "I am RED! The best colour in the universe of colours! If I could own a colour, it would be red!"

"_Someone_ sells out easily... Guess that means I'm black," Near got up and shuffled over to the black side.

"Hahaha! Look! The albino is black! It's a black albino! You're an oxymoron! Hahaha! Oxymoron is fun to say!"

"Sure, poke fun at the black albino... Idiot..." Near muttered, waiting for Mello to stop ranting and move.

Mello moved his piece and laughed, "Who's the idiot now?"

Near calmly moved one of his, "Still you."

Once more, the match continued on, each moving their pieces strategically so they could win.

Mello jumped another one of Near's pieces, "Hahaha! I'm to win! MWHAHAHAHA!!"

"Have fun with that..." Near said, moving his black tile away from Mello's to stay in the game longer.

After a few more grueling minutes, Mello finally had Near kneeling on the floor in defeat. Well, in reality, he was just sitting on the floor like he normally does but in Mello's mind he was crying in the corner.

"FINALLY!" Mello yelled.

"Yes finally... Now I can actually do something that's worth my time..."

"B...bu...but! I finally defeated you! I now have proof that I'm better than you! That it's going to be ME as the next L!"

Near looked blankly at him, "Mello... It's just checkers; it's only one step up from tic-tac-toe... I really don't care."

Mello stood there shocked, "No it's not! You're just jealous that I actually beat you fair and square this time!"

"Is it considered fair and square when the other person let you win?" Near calmly 'stood up' and walked out the door.

Mello sniffed, "He just doesn't want to admit that I won..."

After that, Mello walked out the door he came through, one more leaving the room free.

"The third match goes to Mello!!" Watari said through the laptop once again.


End file.
